And yet somehow all you can see is how you look.
I know it doesn’t match who you are. It’s the incongruence of it that causes you such a problem isn’t it?
This outward appearance gives away your secrets doesn’t it?
It’s like a scar. It shows that you have been wounded. It shows that you are weak.
But you know, a scar can also show that you have survived. And scar tissue is thicker. Scar tissue is something to be proud of. It shows that you won in the end.
Maybe that weight that you see doesn’t really give away your secrets.
Because it doesn’t matter. How you look doesn’t matter.
You keep telling yourself that and it’s getting easier to believe.
Dear fat person in the mirror…so what?
Everyone is different shapes and sizes. It only matters if it matters to you.
Why can’t you just let it go?
When I turn away from you I’m fine. You have no power over me. Without you glaring at me I am who I am supposed to be.
But when I let you glance at me you sneer in disgust.
Who are you to judge me?
I am ok with who I am. Why are you not?
Do you not realise that how you look is not who you are? It doesn’t matter to anyone else so why should it matter to you?
But it does matter. It matters a lot.
Because you know why you have more weight on than you want. You know why you can’t lose it. And every time you look at me, you remind me. You remind me of why you need the weight to protect you. You need the protection. It stops people getting close. It stops people seeing you for who you are – a woman. Even the phrase “woman” still catches in your throat. There is so much risk to that word.
If you weren’t a girl then it wouldn’t have happened.
And despite everything that has changed this remains.
Dear fat person in the mirror…it’s ok to let go now.
It is safe to be you without this protective layer. I can see that, why can’t you?
Please, I’m begging you, let me be free to be me.